The Journey

It has been a long road for me since I published my book in 2014. I was still in school fulltime, a single parent with a whole list unresolved family conflicts and fighting my personal demons. What started as a hater novel based off of my “Ex’s Novel” Don’t Talk About It Be About It” ended up being a healing tool for me and the ground work & gateway for me to help others in similar difficult, domestic violence situations on a wider scale!!! In the beginning I suffered from guilt about my book. Wasn’t sure of myself, low self esteem, depression, rejection from some close family members scolding me about the content of my book; as if I can’t have a voice or freedom of speech. After moving back to my roots to assist family members. I realized although I felt hurt; dissapointed, abandoned at the time I published “Keep It Real” there are so many facts to my book!!! I see that when the truth comes to the light people are afraid because so many bond & connect from lies & deceit!!. Love is a powerful tool & so is forgiveness. The journey has not been pleasant but it was well worth it because without the test of life, we do not know what we can endure & how much we can learn from our mistakes, forgive, love , & keep getting better with time to shine the light in the darkness.

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Keep It Real

Keep It Real has been recently re-released in Barnes and Noble and on-line.Get your copy today.

Keep It Real

Keep It Real

Keel It Real

Kaishau “Lexus” Carr

Introduction

Hello, everyone. This is Kaishau, a.k.a. Lexus in The Autobiography of Malik. I am writing this book because I read author Billy’s, a.k.a. Malik’s, autobiography. I was moved by the fact that he left out so much that should have been in the book.

When a brother truly changes, it’s from the inside out. It takes a bit more than a change of clothes; it takes change of character. When you come to a place in your life where you want to walk out of it, you look back at the good, the bad, and the ugly, and you don’t have a problem sharing those past experiences because you aren’t living them anymore. Walking out of a life of being the abuser, the deadbeat dad, or the drug dealer/user, you will no longer be the victim but the victor. You will scream to the world, “I have been there, but I have seen the light. I am not there anymore!” But to try to impress and not be real is sad. To be a role model and inspire others, you must be real. The world is full of fakes. We don’t need to deceive our young men; they don’t need to be entertained to change and turn their lives around. They need strong men who have been there, done that, and perfected change while keeping it real.

I am definitely not the bitter ex-wife trying to destroy a brother. I moved on long ago and came to peace with my ex-husband. I understand that nothing lasts forever and people must move on. It’s okay to reach for success and get an education. I am all for that, and I am a part of that movement. My issue is how people can be one thing in public while not handling their business when it comes to their children and responsibilities, deceiving the public about who they really are. I think it’s time to expose the truth and keep it real.

If you have kids, they are your first priority. Really! Did Malik really write that on page 5 of his book? He compared himself to Saint Augustine of Hippo, a saint who came from present-day Annaba, Algeria? He wrote City of God and converted to Christianity. The Roman province considered him important because of his books, his teachings, and his conversion to Christianity. His baptism was in AD 387. Wow, is Malik sad.

When I met his mom, I thought she was okay. She and my mom were good friends in high school. His mom was a quiet woman. As I stayed around her, I saw that being quiet isn’t always a good thing. People hold secrets inside that can hurt many people mentally, spiritually, and physically. I didn’t understand how his mom could endure the torment of staying with an abusive, alcoholic husband for more than twenty-five years. I never saw his stepdad sober until he got sick and couldn’t drink any longer; may he rest in peace. From what I gathered about how his mom was treated and the things Malik told me about his stepdad, I think that treatment affected who he is today. I have never met a man with a wife and kids who is as emotionally detached as Malik is. When we were together, it was as if we didn’t exist until we were out in public. Everything was always a show for the public; no one really knew what was going on behind closed doors. It’s sad to think that you can win when you aren’t right on the inside.

I was raised in a Pentecostal Holiness church; the woman who raised my nana had a Baptist background. Nana  was Cherokee, Irish, and African. My people are and were a proud people. Even as a child, I knew where I came from and who I was. We had our own land and grew our own food. I pretty much grew up in the Garden of Eden and on Noah’s ark. Except for a few negative parts, my childhood was all about discovering nature, agriculture, and science, and my mom and nana always traveled. I was the only girl around at the time; my girl cousins lived in New Bern, Greensboro, and other places.

Christmas was always a big event for the family. My nana grew many different types of flowers and plants, so she would make a living Christmas wreath. Family was a big deal for her; she would make the gatherings into feasts for all the family to come together, some family members from as far away as Boston and other places. The older family members would always tell me that when no one else bothered with them because they were considered lost children, my nana warmly welcomed them. I seriously don’t have anything bad to say about that woman. My nana was a very proper woman. She ironed everything. She was a kindred spirit, an extraordinary woman who taught me the Bible and everything that I need to survive. Those lessons have been more valuable to me than old money and more important to me than new money. I love her and miss her dearly. We were so close; may my baby rest in peace.

I have been singing in church and with my family since I was five years old, and that gave me enough boldness to sing as a solo artist. I was a KISS 102 New Artist Pick for my single “So Brand New,” and I opened for Dorothy Norwood and various national artists in 2005. I have been blessed to hear the song that I created in my little townhouse on Tabaco Road on the radio. I had faith, and small beginnings led to big things.

Keep It Real

I am writing this book because I read Author Malik’s book, there are many things that I saw as deceitful and downright untruthful, and I would like to tell it like it was and is. I am not the bitter ex-wife trying to destroy a brother. I have moved on long ago and came to peace with him. I understand that nothing last forever and people must move on. It is okay to reach for success and get education. I am all for that and I am a part of that movement. My issue is how you can be one thing in public but in real life, you are not handling your business when it comes to your children, responsibility, and deceiving the public about who you really are. I think it is time to expose the truth and Keep It Real.

(If you have kids, they are your first priority) Really! Did you really write that on page 5 of your book? Therefore, you compare yourself to St. Augustine of Hippo. A Saint that came from present dayAmaba, Algeria? He wrote (City Of God) and converted to Christianity, the Roman Province viewed him as most important for his books, teachings, and his conversion to Christianity. His baptism was in 387 AD. Wow, you are sad.

Your Mom was a quite woman. When I met her, I thought she was okay. I mean my Mom and her where good friends in high school. You would have thought this was the perfect get together. As I stayed around her and noticed how she moved, I saw that quite is not always a good thing. People can hold secrets and other things on the inside that can harm and hurt so many people, mentally, spiritually, and physically. I also did not understand how she could endure the torment of staying with an abusive alcoholic husband for over twenty-five years. I never saw your stepdad sober until he got sick and could not drink any longer, may he rest in peace. I gathered from how your Mom was being treated and the things you told me about him, I am sure that affected why you are the way you are today.

I have never met a man that had a wife and kids, but was emotionally detached from us as Malik was. It is as if we did not exist until we were out in public. Ever thing was always a show for the public, but no one really knew what was going on behind closed doors. I will get into more detail about it later in in the book.

It is sad to think that that you can win when you are not right on the inside. I was raised in a Holiness Penal costal church; the woman that raised me my Nana had a Baptist background. She was a lot of Cherokee, Irish, and African. My people are and where a proud people. I know where I came from and who I am, even as a child. We had our own land, raised our food and grew our fruits and vegetables. I pretty much grew up in the Garden of Eden and Noah’s Ark. Expect for a few little downs, for the most part my child hood was one of discovering nature, Agriculture, science, and my Mom and Nana always travelled. I was the only girl around at the time, my other girl cousins where in Newbern, Greensboro, and other places. My Nana was a very proper woman. She ironed everything. Christmas was always a big event for the family. My Nana grew so many different types of flowers and plants until she would make a live Christmas reef. Family was a big deal for her and she would make the gatherings a feast that made all the family comes together, as far away as Boston and other places. She always fed everyone and the older family members would always tell me that when no one else would bother with them as lost children, my Nana would welcome them warmly. I seriously do not have anything bad to say about this woman. She was a kindred spirit, an extraordinary woman that taught me the Bible and everything I know to survive. Those lessons have been more valuable to me than old money and important to me than new money. I love her and miss her dearly. We were so close, may my baby rest in peace. I have been singing since I was 5 years old in the church and with my family that gave me enough boldness to sing as a solo artist. I have went as far as to be a kiss 102 new artist pick for my single, So Brand New, and have opened for Dorothy Norwood and various national artist in 2005. I also have been blessed to hear the song that I created out of my little town house on Tabaco road on the radio. I had faith and small beginnings led to big things. I will discuss why I stopped singing temporarily later on also.

I am going to tell you the events that happened during my rocky relationship and marriage to Malik. The truth and I am going to be as honest as I possibly can.